Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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