I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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