Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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