my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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