my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had to cum in my sink.
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