She's JV to your varsity
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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