you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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