I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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