I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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