I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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