someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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