i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize