Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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