you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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