I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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