Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
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hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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