I need to stop coming to work sober
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize