I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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