Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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