Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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