Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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