he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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