i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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