After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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