The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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