come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
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OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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