hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize