Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
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my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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