i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i was born a porn star she said
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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