He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
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I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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