false alarm. still invincible.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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