i love accidental penises.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Mom said you looked used
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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