Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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