my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
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It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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