He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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