Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
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Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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