she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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