Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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