So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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