What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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