she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize