I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize