Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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