We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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