uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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