everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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