Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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