Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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