I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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