My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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